No One Wants To Die Righteously Miserable, Do They?
This has been a theme that has come up a LOT recently in all different scenarios so I thought I would share my thoughts on it…
It was Dr Bill Pettit that I have heard say this so many times.
No One wants to die righteously miserable.
Surely, we don’t?
Let me tell you more about what I see this to mean…
I am sure we have all been there at times, I know I certainly have!
Someone has done wrong by us…
Used us a scapegoat…
Passed your hard work of as theirs…
Crossed your boundaries…
You get the picture….there are so many scenarios I could have come up with, but whatever the situation is, we may find ourselves stuck in a loop and cycle of feeling like we want to prove (in simple terms) that we are right and they are wrong.
And maybe they are absolutely in the wrong, and so why shouldn’t they apologise and make it up to us?
Well they may apologise, but the issue is that it often feels like its not enough.
Why? This is because we are going over and over and around in our heads with what is enough and what isn’t, and analysing the situation over and over again.
New thoughts about it create new feelings, or at least the same feelings for longer. We keep suffering. So what do we do then just forgive and forget?
I will come to this shortly…
I just need to give a quick disclaimer here and say if you are being treated so badly by someone, that it is imperative that you have boundaries and that may well include cutting someone completely out of your life, THAT. IS. OK. Follow your gut.
However, if you have decided that deep down you want to be with that person that cheated, or stay in that job with the manager or colleague you are upset with, remain friends with the person that frustrates you often, BUT you just can’t seem to get past the way you feel?
When Dr Bill says nobody wants to die righteously miserable, for me that has hit home often.
It hits home when I am stuck in a cycle of feeling badly done to, frustrated and like I want that to be acknowledged and yet even when it is, I still struggle to accept it.
I even sometimes feel like I want revenge! (I am not talking murder or even close, but maybe wanting to show them who they are messing with – did I actually say that out loud!?).
I have actually done this previously and it never feels good.
It doesn’t often end well either.
I am often quite stubborn (I learnt that for me this was an important part of survival, which it isn’t anymore).
Have I gone soft in my old age? No quite the opposite in fact, my boundaries have never been better, and yet I am much quicker to forgive and forget and move forward.
To me forgiving is not for the other person, its for me.
It’s to end my suffering that I am creating in my mind by going over and searching when I know it comes down often to two choices:
Move forward with love and compassion;
or leave the person or situation that I am in.
I know in my gut usually pretty instantly which it will be, and so I just no longer do the dance in between (this is not entirely true at times I am still stubborn and get caught up in this, but it definitely doesn’t last as long!).
I realised over time that often needing to be right and going over and over in my mind the same situation, whilst knowing in my gut what I was going to choose to do, in fact made me miserable, righteously miserable, but miserable all the same!
I have also come to see that the only real important person to convince and know I am doing the right thing is me!
I am not even sure why I am sharing this, but if it helps even one person to choose happiness for themselves, even with the discomfort that sometimes comes along with the thoughts we will inevitably have about the past or future, then I am glad it popped to my head to share!
If you find yourself nodding to this but at the same time feeling like this is difficult to put into practise, this is a subject we often touch on in our weekly coaching calls inside The Membership – you can find out more about The Membership HERE.