I can’t do it all. I am trying so hard to please everyone. I am trying to work and ensure my children are OK. I am trying to do all of this and keep myself sane, BUT I just feel so guilty!
I have heard so many different versions of this over the last number of weeks. People are feeling overwhelmed with guilt. Feeling as though they are not getting it right, not doing enough.
We often have feelings of guilt when we start thinking about wether we are going against our conditioned beliefs and values. Or if we feel we are going against someones else’s beliefs about us. We start to have a whole load of thinking about what we ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t be doing, when, where, why, what and the list goes on. These thoughts come and they keep coming and then there it is, feelings of guilt.
Like any other kind of thoughts creating feelings, they can be habitual, we can punish ourselves, make life more difficult and challenging than it needs to be. Maybe it doesn’t need to be so difficult? Maybe it’s simply a case of adjusting our expectations? I often say to people that if they removed the word ‘should’ from their vocabulary, they would instantly feel much better!
When I was pregnant with my daughter, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was extremely overwhelmed and anxious. I was just fixated on giving birth to a health baby so that I could then allow myself to fall apart, as this was how I felt at the time.
I was blessed with a wonderful healthy baby, but the overwhelm and anxiety was still there, and intensifying the more the reality of my situation hit me. I was so torn between doing what I thought I should be, which was being the perfect mother to this new amazing baby and allowing myself to fall apart. This felt challenging, as I also wanted to spend time with my dad and start processing the loss that was already heavy.
I was lucky to have so many supportive people around me, my mum was able to support me in my mothering, and yet rather than accept thats what was needed for all of us at that moment in time, I felt so guilty that I had some how failed. It went against my conditioned beliefs that I WOULD be the doting mother from the off. When I look back now I feel so much compassion for myself that I didn’t have at the time. I was doing my best.
Many years later and a huge increase in my understanding and awareness of what it means to be a human being, I see any feelings of guilt as something very different…
Rather than seeing my feelings of guilt as an indicator of…
I should do better…
I am not enough…
I must try harder….
Others seem to manage…
I see it is a wonderful warning to show myself extra love and compassion when I need it most. I see it as a a wonderful opportunity for me to stop, reflect and lower my expectations. Now the amazing thing is that this is not unique to me. We all have the capacity to change our perspective at any given moment. You are enough.
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